Comfortable And Furious

The Griff: Then And Now

2009-10-05T22:25:00.002-04:00

As welcome as the Blue Jays' sudden notion of signing Vernon Wells to a long-term deal through 2014 is, make no mistake about it, this is president Paul Godfrey's baby. Wells and Roy Halladay are the twin faces of the franchise in public. That has added value to a former politician. It's not the same for baseball-first GM J.P. Ricciardi.
"Any decision you make, the hardest thing to do is not have your emotions involved," Ricciardi said cryptically to Yahoo!Sports.com on Tuesday.
Ricciardi's emotions with regard to Wells have always been on the side of letting him walk at the end of his current contract. Either that or deal him for value. But Godfrey is the one who responds to his emotions like a fan.
...
Now, it's all about Wells and how much Godfrey feels he is worth to the franchise as both an on-field talent and as an off-field ambassador. The guy can play. But history says that despite his five-tool skills, Wells is not one of J.P.'s guys, just as Delgado was not a part of Ricciardi's five, er, seven-year solution.
If this Wells seven-year extension is done, it will be in spite of Ricciardi. Make no mistake, even though the Jays' reported opening salvo of $126 million (plus $5.6 million for '07) is, as Wells told the Star's Allan Ryan, "in the ballpark," it will not be enough, as currently written, to keep him in the ballpark. Wells needs the Jays to offer more per year, through 2014, than the Cubs are paying Alfonso Soriano. That simple.
That $136 million Soriano jackpot was the guiding light when I suggested, on the final day of the winter meetings, that the Jays should offer Wells a contract for eight years of $138.6 million, including $5.6 million remaining on the final year of his current pact. It wasn't a number pulled out of a hat.
...

For the Jays, this isn't the same scenario as when they decided to jettison Delgado. Since then, the club has increased payroll by almost 100 per cent, it owns the Rogers Centre and the Canadian dollar has risen more than 25 cents against its U.S. counterpart. This is a brave new world, flush with cash and cross-marketing opportunities for owner Ted Rogers. Wells is the first mega free agent of this new Jays era. It's possible they might sign him, but this was clearly not the way they envisioned the winter unfolding.
And please don't compare this to the A's losing Mark McGwire, Jason Giambi, Miguel Tejada and the big three starters, including, this year, Barry Zito. There was never any emotion in A's scenarios. That was pure Moneyball.
This is not Moneyball. There has never been a chapter dealing with "replacement value" for fan favourites, which is the difference between A's and Jays and why on most nights you can fire a cannon through the Oakland Coliseum and not hit anyone.
The Jays are doing the right thing with Wells, but it might be too little, too late. Place the odds at 30-70 that the Jays, with a late start, can have a deal done by the spring.

Now:

4. From Carlos Delgado to Vernon Wells: passing an albatross baton.
When Ricciardi first arrived, he sneered at Delgado's four-year, $68 million contract negotiated by the previous regime, labelling it an "albatross" around the team's neck. But in the 2006 off-season, after exhausting all trade possibilities for Wells, Ricciardi oversaw the signing of a $126 million, seven-year deal for the centre fielder.

You know, a lot of the media eulogizing going on about JP Ricciardi's tenure as the Toronto Blue Jays general manager has focused on his strained relationship with the media. How his "arrogance extended to reporters and columnists". Or how he was "brash, cocky and always ready to talk". But when you read things like this, you kind of get why he thought guys like Richard Griffin were douchebags. You can't browbeat a guy for not wanting to make a deal, then 3 years later pretend he did. Unless, of course, you're a bitter member of the Toronto media riding a 48 hour hate-boner.

The Silver Lining - Yankees 10, Jays 5

2009-09-04T12:30:00.003-04:00

I'm assuming you want more than the unintentional comedy of Toronto automatically turning A-Rod into a cop groping, Brass Rail living sex fiend. Well okay then, let me dig deep into my well of self-delusion and see what I come up with.

It wasn't fun at the Rogers Centre last night. 2-5 in the Yankees order all reached base at least 3 times. Damaso Marte managed to hold us off the score sheet for an inning. Ricky Romero continued his late season decline. And Jason Frasor evidently wanted us to feel the pain a little longer.

But call me the innovator of ignorance, because I've got your rose colored glasses view right here. Raul Chavez had 2 doubles, 3 hits and 2 RBI's on the night. He's hitting .308 since August 1st. I was going to include the Great White Hope Travis Snider on here for his 2 for 3 night with a double, but considering he was feeling generous and handed the pinstripes 2 runs in the first he gets the cold shoulder.

What else?

Lyle Overbay - A lot of people are going to remember the 8th last night for a pair of nice ranging plays Aaron Hill made on grounders that had eyes for the hole. What they probably won't make mention of is the pair of nice scoops Lyle Overbay made on the throws that were in the dirt. May not be nearly as flashy, but it's better being Aaron Hill when you've got a great first baseman like Lyle.

Brandon League & Shawn Camp - Hey look, League pitched into a second inning and didn't get bombed! And Camp continues to be Mr Reliable!

DRAFT! - We're Number 8! We're Number 8! And just a game out of picking 5th! More draft picks not to sign!

Is it too early to start drinking?

Supplemental Reading

2009-09-03T14:23:00.002-04:00

It's Thursday, I'm headed to work and completely unmotivated for value added content. So I figured, why not let others do my work for me? Here's a couple gems full of the kind of fury and bitterness that make me proud to be an asshole:

DeadThingsOnSticks breaks down the 25th anniversary of Much Music, and examines exactly why such a big cultural event has been played down thus far.

Dustin Parkes at Drunk Jays Fans has an interesting take on what the Jays should do in the offseason (hint, it doesn't involve wasting a ton of cash on Jason Bay).

DownGoesBrown has the inside scoop on Paul Kelly's firing by the NHLPA.

Honey Garlic thinks I hate his partisanship. I do not. What I definitely like though is his advice for everyone involved in this theoretical upcoming election. Except for the jab at the NDP. Shameless partisanship.

Andrew Coyne is sharp as always in his round-up of the showdown inside the Queensway.

Tonight the Jays send Ricky Romero (11-6, 3.95 ERA) to the hill against Chad Gaudin (5-10, 4.90). Romero has an ERA of 5.03 since the beginning of August, while Gaudin has an ERA of 5.02 as a starter this year. Are you ready for a pitcher's duel?

The Silver Lining - Rangers 6, Jays 4

2009-09-02T23:26:00.000-04:00

Dear Red Sox,

Suck it.

Sincerely,
The Toronto Blue Jays

Isn't that enough for you? Rangers win, Red Sox lose and their wildcard lead shrinks to a mere 2 games? Oh, you say you're not a petty, resentful, long-suffering Jays fan. I'll have to try harder then.

Just so we remember why we need this sunny side up bit of self-delusion, today was pretty depressing. The Jays give away another early lead, putting up a mere 1 run in the final 5 innings of the game. Scott Richmond struggled again, giving up 5 earned runs over 5 innings, 2 home runs and 4 walks. All 5 hits coming from 3 players. And at the end of the day, the Jays followed up a 3-6 homestand with a 1-6 road trip. Are you shaking in your boots, Yankees?

It wasn't all bad though. Adam Lind. Obviously. Eternally, Adam Lind. Lyle Overbay took a Tommy Hunter fast ball out of the park, going 2 for 4 on the night and finishing up the road trip with a .348 batting average. Randy Ruiz was appearing in only his 3rd game of the trip but he made an impact, taking Hunter deep in the 4th to cap off a 2 for 4 night. He now has 5 big flys in only 17 games.

On the mound, it wasn't all bad. Jesse Carlson, after having had his streak of 7 scoreless appearances ended on Monday, was able to pitch pretty well in relief of Scott Richmond. He came in with men on first and second with no out and got a grounder which could have been a double play but ended up being just a fielders choice off of Marco Scutaro's error and David Murphy was able to score. Carlson stayed calm, striking out Chris Davis and getting Julio Borbon to fly out to centre. Since August 16th Jesse Carlson has an ERA of 1.13 with 11 strikeouts and a BAA of 0.172.

And how about the GPMODOAT (Greatest Prime Minister of Defense of All-Time)? With runners at the corners, Chris Davis sliced a grounder which might have been through the whole... had Johnny Mac not been playing today. Prime Minister McDonald, not wanting the Jays faithful to dwell on the loss of the GBOAT, made an outstanding diving stop, then with quick wrist action got the ball over to Aaron Hill, who made an even quicker turn to get the ball to first and save Brian "Better than Accardo" Wolfe from a run. So the boys got it done with the bat, the glove and on the mound today. Just, y'know, not enough of the boys.

Tomorrow the Jays start an 8 game homestand with the Yankees and Twins coming to town. The Yankees will be here Thursday through Sunday, and then the Twins will be here Labour Day through Thursday. Get your tickets now, because we all know how busy those post-labour day games get.

The New NDP Slogan - Where Have I Heard This Before?

2009-09-02T20:17:00.000-04:00

So I just got an e-mail from the NDP. Having been rebuffed in their advances in a total "I'm not nearly drunk enough to go for that moustache" way by an oh so coy Conservative Party, the NDP seems primed for an election campaign. They don't trust Michael Ignatieff, and want you to help them bring about Change in Canada. But not just any change will do. What would they go with? Positive Change? Real Change? Loose Change?

Right. That sounds like some great change. And really that's the kind of change I want. If I'm looking to change things up, I don't want it to be something ridiculous. Don't tell me you're going to make renewable fuel out of John Baird's toxic fumes, invent a translator so dogs can talk or make Edwin Encarnacion into a serviceable third baseman; give me something actually possible.

But it's strange, I'm getting a feeling of deja vu. Maybe I'm just going crazy, but I think I've heard this one before. But I'm sure I'm just confusing it with something else. After all, what party would base their platform around trying to shamelessly cash in on someone else's electoral success?

I swear to God, if Jack Layton didn't have handlers he'd already be out on the trail in blackface.

Tories Don't Want Election, Don't Want To Prevent One Either

2009-09-02T18:32:00.000-04:00

Just think, for a minute it seemed like the Election Fever Epidemic was going to pass us over. The NDP made it clear that they were willing to prop up the government so long as they agreed to take decisive action on pensions and take steps to slash bank and credit card fees. You know, the kind of protections governments should be undertaking during a recession. And obviously the Tories, having been in a minority government for almost 4 years, are now experienced in brokerage and deal making with opposition parties and willing to make concessions to avoid what Transport Minister John Baird describes as an "unuseful election".

Except apparently they aren't. Minister for Citizenship, Immigration and Multiculturalism and pug-shaped man Jason Kenney indicated his party's unwillingness to make concessions to the NDP in order to prop up his government:

“Look. We've always tried to demonstrate willingness to co-operate with the opposition parties. We did in the last budget. But we're not for sale to the highest bidder, least of all the NDP.”

Translation: "Look. We've always tried to demonstrate a willingness to intimidate and coerce the opposition parties into abstaining from crucial votes or simply bending over backwards to support us, which was demonstrated by the fact that a coalition had to threaten to take the government away from us if we didn't change the last budget. But since that won't work this time, we're not going to start doing earnest negotiations with the opposition, even if it means fighting an election we want you to believe we really don't want to fight."

So there you have it, the pug has spoken. Just remember when the Tories start bemoaning the Liberals insistence on forcing you back to the polls that they had a chance to stop this. Like I said yesterday, fuck 'em.

Do you think Obama would be interested in governing another 30 million or so?

The Silver Lining - Rangers 5, Jays 2 (twice!)

2009-09-02T00:45:00.004-04:00

For the second straight day, Jays pitching gave up 10 runs. In fairness, unlike yesterday those runs came over two games, but it still resulted in twin losses. Twin 5-2 losses in fact, further cementing the fact that the Gods of Baseball hate Toronto's fucking guts. I watched the final two episodes of the third season of Dexter earlier this evening, and the bloodletting in that fine program paled in comparison to the Jays in August. September isn't starting out any different. Whether it be Josh Hamilton taking his face out of some drunk chick's tits long enough to hit TWO jacks, or the sudden philanthropic streak Jays pitchers took on in making Crash Davis look like less of a disaster this year, Monday's drunken ecstasy has made way for Tuesday's crippling hangover.

But there were a few little joy nuggets for those looking for an excuse to put the razor blade down. Adam Lind. Like I said yesterday, Adam Lind. Joe Inglett went 2 for 2 with a walk, a pace we can certainly expect him to keep up for the rest of the season. The patron saint of Garfooses everywhere, Dirk Hayhurst continues to be the little non-prospect that could. He pitched another inning of low-leverage relief, bringing his ERA down to 1.53. And, most importantly, the chops have returned!

Right, as you were with the razor. I personally recommend x's and o's. Who said self harm couldn't be fun for the whole family?

Man Your War Rooms!

2009-09-01T14:07:00.004-04:00

So first, the story. Then the rebuttal.

Do you have it? Election fever? We seem to be getting it a lot these days. In fact, we seem to be getting annual cases of election fever with such regularity that they ought to be researching a vaccine. So Canadians could be headed to the polls as soon as this fall. It would be the 4th election since June of 2004.

Transportation Minister John Baird (who, holding the oh-so-important role of making sure everyone gets their license plate stickers replaced, is totally qualified to speak for the government) is nonplussed.

"Michael Ignatieff has indicated that he wants to plunge Canadians into the fourth election in five years... believes we should head to an unuseful, early election."

Right. Because it's not like the Tories would ever call a premature election. Except for when they pulled the plug on the 39th parliament after only 29 months and scheduled an election to happen conveniently before the recession would become a major issue. Right after they passed a law saying that it would be illegal for the government to do that. It also came conveniently at a time the Liberals were heavy in debt from their last leadership race and unable to match the media blitz. And I guess there was the 38th parliament, which they defeated via non-confidence motion after only 13 months, after having tried and failed to defeat the government 6 months prior on a budget vote (which, if you're keeping count at home, would mean they wished to force Canadians into an election 7 months into the session, which would be about 4 months quicker than the Liberals are now attempting). Never mind the fact that the last two elections were either called by a Conservative Prime Minister or triggered by predominantly Conservative votes, because this is a game of partisanship only the Liberals play.

There are plenty of issues on the table right now that are worthy of our attention via an electoral campaign. The recession, and the stimulus required to jump start the Canadian economy. The future of our Afghan mission, which both major leaders support but have vast differences of opinion about how to make it a success. The environment, which has been ignored on the election trail for years, and was only discussed last time in order to tar Stephane Dion to the lunatic fringe. And of course, how giving the Toronto Blue Jays an extra $100 million in taxpayers money every year could give Canadians something to be truly proud of in these trying times. One of those is a joke. Seriously, nobody gives a fuck about the environment.

Don't get me wrong, I know that the political opportunism is at play on both sides here. The things that are issues right now were issues in the summer, and in the spring. Hell, the discussion of stimulus spending is so imperative that it really should have been had 9 months ago. But the reason we might be going to the polls has little to do with the issues and more to do with the reason for the last 3 election calls: because the party making the call thinks they can win. The Liberals find themselves in a pretty sweet position right now. They've got a fresh leader, an economy in needing of leadership and, most important of all, a shit-ton of money. For the first time in a while the Liberals were able to out-fundraise the Conservative over the second quarter of this year, and are much better prepared for an election now than they were a year ago. You want to tar our guy as a "just visiting" cosmopolitan? Fine. We'll tar your guy as a lunatic right wing remnant of the Bush era. Who cares about the issues, this is politics.

And here comes the fury. We've got three major, decisive issues facing our country and have avoided talking seriously about them thus far. We've had a major political shift in our neighbours to the south, and haven't had the chance to re-assess our relationship with them yet. And we have new possibilities with the economy having bottomed out for Canada to emerge from this crisis a global leader. And will we talk about that? Of course not. We'll spend the first few weeks passing blame about why we're having this election, and then the rest arguing about tiny inconsequential wedge issues that skew well for the party bringing them up. Because that is what our political system has become over the past 16 years or so. Makes sense, because our leaders are definitely acting like teenagers.

Fuck 'em.

Hayhurst, Wolfe and Inglett Recalled From Las Vegas

2009-09-01T13:54:00.002-04:00

Unfortunately, I guess this means Jeremy Accardo won't be on the playoff roster. Seriously though, what is up Magic Cito's ass about this guy? Maybe his attitude leaves something to be desired, but he's still way more effective than Bryan Wolfe.

Jays 18, Rangers 10

2009-08-31T23:45:00.003-04:00

Right when I was in the middle of much opining and bitterness while writing about the clusterfuck that has been the 2009 Blue Jays today, it occurred to me that I have a habitual need to find the silver lining of every game. For instance, in digesting the shitkicking we took from PAUL FUCKING BYRD and the Red Sox yesterday, I found solace in the fact that Jesse Carlson had now gone 7 appearances without giving up a run and put up some pretty fucking awesome numbers over that span. I figured if I'm going to go through this habitual self-delusion after every game, why not spread the insanity?

One problem tonight - this game was kind of fucking awesome. Yeah, they almost gave it away and gave up 10 unanswered runs and the bats kind of went to sleep over that span, but c'mon. The boys put up 18 runs tonight. Aaron Hill, Adam Lind, Rod Barajas and Vern were pretty much all awesome. Vern saved the game with a leaping grab to rob Chris Davis of extra bases and preserve the lead. Barajas hit his 15th and 16th home runs, and appears to be playing his way to comfortable Type-B free agency. And Adam Lind. Seriously, Adam Lind. Scott Downs added 1.2 innings of shut-out ball to go to 4.2 IP of lights out relief since returning from the DL. And Jason Frasor came in and shut the door - albeit in quite possibly the lowest leverage situation of his career. So the first edition of "The Silver Lining" is pretty much irrelevant. But hey, wasn't that fantastic?

The Greatest Announcer in the History of Sports

2009-08-31T21:08:00.001-04:00

"That may be the knockout punch!"
- Jamie Campbell, after Adam Lind hits a grand slam off of Derek Holland to make it 10-0-

Why must I geeve a fawk?

2009-08-31T17:25:00.001-04:00

Hi folks. Remember me? No? Understandable. I maintained this blog with unflinching enthusiasm for all of a month or so, then not so much. Comfort I managed with relative ease, fury was disappointingly infrequent. Part of that was my general indifference to the world beyond me, the rest was my reasonable assurances that no one actually reads this shit. And yet here I am, rambling on like a drunken Rex Murphy who just discovered four letter words.

Comfortable? Check. No work today, not even leaving the house until slo-pitch tonight (PLAYOFFS!) so I'm sitting here, house-bum casual at the kitchen table drinking tea and rocking some Jim Croce. It's a lazy Monday before classes start tomorrow and I actually have to do some fucking work for a change.

Furious? Nah, let's go with bitter. This is going to be a Jays post after all. Maybe add in a bit of resentment. And for good measure, top it off with some good old fashion envy (we are in the AL East, of course). The 2009 season has been a cocktail of conflicting emotions. In spring training the argument seemed to be whether a resurgent offence could push this team to another season of wins in the low to mid 80's, or whether the complete gutting of the team's starting pitching would have the boys playing like it's 2004. We weren't really encouraged to believe when Vernon Wells went down to injury in the first week of training camp, BJ couldn't throw a fastball above 85mph or Matt Bush's control suffered to the point that he couldn't bean a mere sorority girl at close range with a heater. Then of course there was the complete flaming out of Ken Takahashi, Matt Clement and Mike Maroth, and the apparent setback to Dustin McGowan. But whatever, we were all conditioned to the inevitability of a "retooling" Blue Jays in 2009. Just wait for 2010. Right?

Well it didn't start that way. After a 27-14 start, the Jays were leading the division. A quarter of the way through the season, this team was the best in the American league. Scott Richmond had won AL Rookie of the Month. The team was batting .289 and averaging 5.7 runs a game, while the pitching staff had a cumulative ERA of 3.85. Cito was a genius, JP Ricciardi was lucky. PLAYOFFS.

But it didn't turn out that way, did it? I mean we should have seen that coming, and most of us did. Kind of. As much as I kept my cool in April, that 4 game sweep of the White Sox took me from "enjoy it while it lasts" to "seriously, could this last?" I blissfully ignored Rod Barajas' 120 point above career-average OPS, or Kevin Millar slugging like he was still good. Because, honestly, it was fun. And it was. But then the Jays headed out on the road.

Since May 18th, the Jays have won 31 games against 56 losses. Only Kansas City has a worse record over that period. That's right, the Washington Nationals have had more to cheer about in the last 3 months than us. I almost wish the first month and a half hadn't happened, because we'd be in a dead heat right now for first dibs on high school phenom Bryce Harper. And of course, perhaps we'd have been better prepared for the shitstorm of the past few months.

There were no lack of things to talk about since the 0-9 road trip that signaled the beginning of the Jays' downward spiral. Since having a pretty solid first month, Vernon Wells has put up a line of .246/.296/.380. Not since Bryan McCabe have Toronto sports fans been so united in their disdain for one player. Well, Alex Rios almost got there. He had the audacity to refuse an autograph to a cute little kid (who routinely hangs out above the dugout begging for autographs to sell) and became persona non grata for this percieved slight. And then of course there was the end of the BJ Ryan era, costing the team 15 million so the Beej could sit at home pushing his fingers into his eyes (since it's the only thing that slowly stops the ache).

But none of these struggles in anyway compares to the epic clusterfuck that was the Roy Halladay Trade Saga. It began shortly before the All-Star game in July. Jays GM J.P. Ricciardi was asked by Ken Rosenthal if he was interested in trading Roy Halladay, to which he responded that if an offer made sense, they'd "have to listen". Not news for about any other player but with Halladay this was apparently the story of the century. An explosion of bullshit erupted not seen north of the 49th parallel since Vince Carter's momma decided Vince didn't want to play in Toronto anymore. Every start Halladay made became his "last start in Toronto". Alas, no one came close to Ricciardi's asking price, and the Doc maintains his office at 1 Blue Jay Way. But that didn't mean we didn't lose anyone.

News broke less than an hour before the deadline on July 31st, that Scott Rolen had been dealt to the Reds. Initially it was rumoured that slugging first base prospect Yonder Alonso was on his way to Toronto in the deal, but it ended up being Edwin Encarnacion as a salary dump with two good pitching prospects, Josh Roenicke (who we're currently using in middle relief) and Zach Stewart (who has been all kinds of fucking awesome in Vegas). It sucked to lose a guy who was one of only a few Jays really nailing it this year, but understandable. And at least we sold high.

With Alex Rios, we didn't even geeve enough of a fawk to sell at all. Claimed off waivers by Chicago, JP decided to let him go in order to get the 60 million dollars owed to him off the books. This is of course an indictment of management whichever way you look at it. Either his contract was so bad that he couldn't have been moved to get any kind of value for him, or his contract was moveable and they screwed up in letting him get away for nothing. But it was a salary dump, and between he and Rock and Rolen 20 million dollars came off the books for next season.

You'd think losing two regulars to trade would hinder a team's performance. You'd be right. 9-16 in the month of August, 5-13 since AlexIsMostCertainlyNotOnFire headed to the windy city. Swept twice in the span of two weeks by the Massholes. Dominated by PAUL BYRD. If this season is over, someone should tell... no wait, the players definitely know. And now begins the blame game.

So whose fault is this gigantic clusterfuck? The players? Rogers? Magic Cito? JP Ricciardi? Vern? That Guy Who Drums Outside The Games? All of the above (especially the drummer. If only he'd been more forceful in getting passers by to complete "Let's Go ____ ____!")? Or was this just a necessary retool year where all the things we expected to happen just happened? I tend to wonder if we'd all be this frustrated if the mirage that was the first 41 games hadn't fucked with our reasonable expectations.

Okay, my comfort level is falling. The fury is festering. Fuck all the bastards. Fuck the Yankees, the Red Sox, the unbalanced schedule, the salary disparity, tepid ownership, Magic Cito's wacky strategy, the under performing stars (although yes, I still believe in Vernon Wells), the two-faced general manager. And most of all, fuck me for fooling myself. This wasn't the year. Next year is.

Right?

An Open Letter to Greg Gutfeld of FOX News' "Red Eye"

2009-03-23T19:43:00.002-04:00

Greg,

I must apologize for my initial reaction to your comments on Red Eye last week re: the Canadian Military. From your joking that our men and women wanted the year off to "take a breather to do some yoga, paint landscapes, run on the beach in gorgeous white capri pants", and suggesting that perhaps it is "time to invade this ridiculous country, they have no army", I quite obviously came to the mistaken conclusion that you lacked the respect for our country and our soldiers. My mistake, but I think you can understand. After all you said it yourself, I come from a ridiculous country. And your words were very layered and complex, so you have to understand my inability to discern the subtle hidden meanings contained within.

I should also apologize for misunderstanding the nature of your show. Simple and ridiculous as I am, I assumed that we should attach some layer of responsibility to words uttered on a cable news program, but you are patently a satirical program of the highest regard. But I still don't quite understand what the root of the satire here is, so maybe you can clear that up for me. Is it the nature of your network's news programming what you're poking fun at, or is it the Canadian military complex? I tend to think it can't be the latter since mocking the Canadian army and its soldiers would be quite clearly what we misinterpreted you as doing in the first place, but is it the former? Are you a sly devil, silently exposing the ignorant and uninformed nature of FOX News' programming? If so, I credit your for your courage. You're like a modern day Woodward and Burnstein (or is it Woodward and Lothrop? I'm sorry, we ridiculous Canadians are easily confused).

I must say though, the straightforward manner with which you have approached this apology has won me over as a supporter. It takes a lot of courage to bravely take responsibility for the misunderstandings of others, but I can read between the lines. The real victim is yourself, Mr. Gutfeld, who was the victim of such a horrible misunderstanding. And say no more, my friend, allow me to apologize on behalf of 30 million Canadians. We are irrational, ridiculous and sometimes we act before we think, but I know you'll find it in your heart to forgive us. You proved you were the bigger man today, I'm sure you'll continue to do so. I know I'll be there at 3am.

Regards,

Matthew Moore

P.S. You know, I hate to be dishonest. I won't be there at 3am. In fact, I don't see my television finding its way to FOX News at any point. And while we're at it, I didn't misinterpret you. You obnoxiously dismissed the contributions of the Canadian military on March 17th and there is no other reasonable interpretation of your words. Keeping this honesty train rolling, your program is either not a work of satire or a poorly constructed satire that did in fact poke fun at the Canadian military at the time where there is more traffic on the Highway of Heroes (google it) than ever. So I must admit, I wasn't particularly genuine at all in that e-mail. But isn't it kind of pathetic that I was still more genuine than you were in your own so-called "apology"?

Maybe I'm just an asshole...

2008-11-08T21:46:00.003-05:00

But I took one look at the cover of the Toronto Sun today and had to laugh...

ACC Salutes AC/DC. Witty. Well, at least it would be. You know, if the show hadn't taken place at the Rogers Centre. But hey, why let the facts get in the way of a quality pun?

As for the show, it was AC/DC live. You expect a lot, you get even more.

Harperbot Steals Another Page

2008-10-07T14:29:00.002-04:00

So the Tory economic platform is out (because really, what you want to do when less than a week away from an election is roll your entire platform out gradually), and it seems to bring to mind another Canadian Prime Minister. How'd that work out for him again?

Gotta love the Harperbot. Whenever we're worried we might be stuck with him in a majority role for 5 years, he goes and screws up.

Animals Are Starting To Get Awesome

2008-09-26T12:06:00.002-04:00

First Sir Nils Olav the Penguin Knight, then Spaghetti Cat, now Punk Rock Turtle? What are we doing to keep up? Nothing, nothing at all. I fear for humanity.

Shit

2008-09-19T15:56:00.004-04:00

Alright so before I go to work, a moment of shear panic. Shaun Marcum left Wednesday's 2-0 stinker loss to the Orioles in the second inning with an elbow injury. Today he flies to Alabama to see Dr. James Andrews. According to the Globe, the Jays expect Andrews to confirm the worst case scenario: Marcum needs Tommy John surgery. Such an injury would basically count Marcum out for not only the rest of this season but probably all of the next. With McGowan out until at least May (and who knows how he'll throw when he returns from a shoulder injury), this would leave a Burnettless Jays with a starting rotation of Halladay-Litsch and three players to be named later. The logical next step is for J.P. to fall on his sword and throw some of that fat-cash at A.J., but what does that mean for the offense next year? If we're throwing 20 million at Burnett, you can kiss getting a top DH goodbye without any further investment from uncle Ted. We're basically going to need Travis Snider to put up ROTY numbers in 2009 to make up for that. So in an ideal scenario, Travis hits 20 jacks while batting around .300, Burnett takes our DH money and manages to not spend half of 2009 on the DL and David Purcey can hold down the fort with some other acquisition (Pedro?) until McGowan can return to the team and to form. Fuck, the season is more than 5 months away and we're still betting on a bunch of ifs.

Who says this is an election about nothing?

2008-09-15T17:52:00.004-04:00

Definitely not me. But if one were to gauge their opinion on CTV's particular coverage, today's front page headline might give them pause.

DAMN! I always knew that the Harperbot's voter army consisted mainly of WASPs, but I had no idea he could mobilize them so effectively! Harikari!

The Nerdy Glasses Are Off!

2008-09-15T17:34:00.002-04:00

It's about time. Maybe they decided to borrow some of Hilary Clinton's balls.

Scotty Goes Down, As Do the Jays

2008-09-13T22:10:00.000-04:00

Well isn't that a kick in the face? Just days after Blue Jay-mania swept the nation to the point where TSN recorded 8 year ratings highs for a Jays game, it appears the dream is over. Having dropped 2 of the opening 3 games of this final trip to Fenway Park, the boys find themselves 7.5 out of the playoffs with only 13 games to play. The extreme rose coloured glass, glass half-full, drink all that Rogers Kool-Aid from the glass view of the current situation is that they take the remaining 4 games against the Bo-Sox, then somehow make up 3.5 games in the final 9. Possible? I guess. Likely? Even less than a Stephane Dion majority.

I'm not looking forward to Jays Talk.

It Could Happen...

2008-09-13T15:46:00.001-04:00

Shut up. So maybe David Purcey didn't repeat his Sunday performance of making opposing hitters look like a co-ed beer league slo-pitch team. Maybe the Jays historical inability to hit knucklers didn't magically vanish with the appearance of a September hot-streak. And maybe we don't find hourselves 5.5 games back, ready to pounce and take over the Wild Card with a 7 game late-season sweep in the home and home. We're still alive, goddammit. And the evidence is in the Jays 8-1 shitkicking of Paul Byrd and his band of Merry Massholes. All is squared in the most important series of the year, now we need to take the next two.

How about St. Travis? As far as late season callups go, it is true that Adam Lind lit the Jays up in September of 2006 with a batting average of .367, only to find himself dwelling in Syracuse in 2007. It's also true that pushing this kid as the second coming of Delgado with all of 11 games under his belt is about as well-thought out a decision as 4 million a year to Jason Blake after his one good year. But Lind hit well against mainly middling-to-bad teams; Snider has lit up the Yankees, the Twins, the White Sox and now the Red Sox. He hasn't faced any sub-.500 competition yet. His home run was a no-doubter, the double was clutch and he's finding himself contributing in real ways to this late-season run.

So tonight, with the season remaining on the line, Jesse Litsch takes the mound against Bartolo "Used to be worth Grady Sizemore and Cliff Lee" Colon. Jays have put up numbers against Colon similar to their numbers against Wakefield. Then again, Tim Wakefield hasn't been quite so much of a steaming pile of shit the last three years. Meanwhile Jesse Litsch has continued to dominate hitters since returning from Syracuse, posting a 1.26 ERA with a .209 BA in 5 starts. If we had to stake our playoff hopes on anyone's recent performances, I can't think of anyone better than our favourite batboy.

Mother Nature Is A Fucking Asshole

2008-09-12T19:18:00.000-04:00

Holy fucking shit. It's bad enough that we had the rain delay in Boston two weeks ago, locking in a Jays road trip of 8 games in 7 days while the Red Sox had the Thursday off. It's bad enough that the opener in Chi-Town was similarly rained out, so we were looking at 8 in 6. But to take away my Friday baseball? Fuck off, weather patterns. Fuck off, Hurricane season. And most importantly fuck off Jays Talk callers for making me want to tear my hair out during the delay.

So where do we go from here? If we stick with Purcey on the hill tomorrow, we face the ominous possibility of either the notoriously inconsistent rookie on 3 days rest or turning to one of Scott Richmond or John Parrish. On the other hand, we could keep Burnett on Saturday, hold Purcey back to Monday and gamble on short-rest throwing Burnett three starts in a row. Either way, not ideal.

Update: And just as I post this, the rain delay has essentially ended. Purcey-Crisis Averted! Fuck 'em up, boys!

Dogs and Polls, You Know the Drill

2008-09-12T13:14:00.000-04:00

The latest polls from Harris/Decima and Angus Reid:
H/D - CPC - 41, Lib - 26, NDP - 14
AR - CPC -38, Lib -24, NDP - 21

So two polls, one with a margin of error of 2.6%, another with a margin of error of 3.1%. So why is the difference in NDP support 7%? That's why there's only one poll that counts, and despite the media spin on how Harperbot is "within majority territory", there's still a lot of election to come. And if the Conservative Party's latest gaffes are any indication, this is anything but over.

Meaningful Baseball!

2008-09-12T12:09:00.000-04:00

So it's that time of year again, according to the Toronto sports media, where the Blue Jays make a completely inconsequential run after they've been logically eliminated and the pressure has been taken off. Never mind the fact that they've been hot since July, or that our recent win streak has come at the hands of some of baseball's best, because why evaluate a team based on their merits when you can boil everything down to historical comparison?

Believe me, I'm not trying to be a pusher for the hope bandwagon. I'd basically written this team out of the playoffs after the guys dropped 2 of 3 to the Angels on the road and were 14 games out of the division. They're now 6.5 games out of the playoffs, and the cynical prick inside me says that 6.5 games made up with 16 remaining in the season is a lot to hope for. And it is. But I can't help but think that on this particular occasion, there are reasons to hope.

Consider our opposition for the remainder of the year. 7 games come against the Boston Red Sox, the team we need to catch in order to make the playoffs. We find ourselves within reach of that team with a 7 game sweep. We've won 11 of our last 12 games, and since July 8th we're 37-20. This isn't just some inconsequential late season run, they've been hot since before the All-Star break. In addition to the Bo-Sox series, we've got 6 games against the Orioles and a 3 game set with the Yankees, teams we're 8-4 and 8-7 against respectively. The Rex Sox meanwhile have 7 games against the Blue Jays (4-7 against us), 3 against the Rays (7-8), 3 against the Yankees (8-7) and 4 against the Indians (2-0). What that record against the Indians doesn't indicate however is that the Tribe has a record against the AL East of 19-12. The Sox have it tough. We have our ducks lined up in a row. This is doable.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not out here trying to be that guy who screams PLAYOFFS! every time we manage to pull off a win (not without a sense of irony, at least). The chances of our being able to pull off 5 or 6 of these final games against the Red Sox and then make up the remaining games to earn ourselves a playoff spot are not great. But for all the people who've bitched about our lack of meaningful games in September, it's time to stop bitching. Meaningful baseball is here. This is the most important series of the season. Bandwagon jumpers: it's time to hop on.

A Whole New Level Of Strategic Voting

2008-09-11T21:23:00.000-04:00

Facebook group provides vote swap in federal election

In summary, a Facebook group has popped up that allows voters to strategically swap votes with the aim of allowing people to have their conscience vote counted without effectively electing Conservatives. It's an interesting way of skirting around our broken "first past the post" system, and anything that keeps the Harperbot out of majority territory is fine with me. So who's gonna throw down an NDP vote to get me to support Michael Ignatieff?

A Question About the Kanyairportgate

2008-09-11T20:37:00.000-04:00

So Kanye West was arrested this morning at LAX for "felony vandalism", a charge the result of his scuffle with two "journalists" from online gossip rag TMZ. Mr. West and his assistant were en route to boarding a flight to Honolulu when they were confronted by a number of paparazzi. Angered, the two forcefully removed the camera of a photographer and smashed it. After a verbal confrontation, West and his assistant were arrested.

Kanye West will be held to account for his actions, right or wrong. Continuing to remain unaccountable however is TMZ, its entire staff and its parent company Time Warner. It's entirely fair to assume that in the evidence of paparazzi, this situation would not have occurred. By virtue of that, it could be argued that this supposed "news" website, which by definition should exist solely to report on the news, is in fact making the news. Meanwhile TMZ's sister companies like CNN and People Magazine reap the benefit of the scuffle, posting a number of news articles for which they reap significant ad-benefits.

My question is this: how can the Governor of California, or the mayor of Los Angeles for that matter, expect the market to regulate itself with regards to paparazzi crossing the line when their very crossing of the line has an immediate and positive impact on the mainstream media's bottom line? Isn't it time to pass laws to indicate that paparazzi stalking, as it would be called anywhere outside of California, is every bit as criminal as the smashing of a camera?

Allow me to introduce myself...

2008-09-11T20:03:00.000-04:00

I watch TV. I listen to music. I keep abreast on politics. And I have opinions!

So basically, I'm like every other blogger.

So the question is, why should you bother reading anything I have to say? The odds of you encountering anything here you can't read anywhere else are about as good as the odds of me sticking with this site more than 3 months. I've also recently found that being more than a year removed from school has vastly reduced my vocabulary, and that even that is undercut by questionable spelling and grammar. And what was once a idealistic, whimsical young man has been replaced by a cynical, angry old prick. Those all sound like reasons for hitting the back button on your browser and going back to surfing Digg for fact-checked Sarah Palin speeches or refreshing Pitchfork ad-nausea for news on the next My Morning Jacket album. But allow me to present my defense:

The blog title is fucking awesome.

Seriously. "Are you Comfortable and Angry, Pierre?" "Comfortable and Furious, Conan." I can hardly contain my bafflement at the startling realisation that this outdated "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" catchphrase remained available to be swept up by yours truly. I went through bunch of stupid ideas, some taken like "Too Much TV", "Outside Looking In" and yes, "Cherniak on Politics", as well as some that were just stupid like "The Four and a Halfth Estate" and "Sober Jays Fans". A friend recommended "The League of Extraordinary Rex Murphys", but I felt that bringing to mind the image of that horrifying spectre was simply irresponsible in these trying times. Hence, I did what any college age male would do. I stole from a late night talk show.

So there you have it, the genesis of "Comfortable and Furious". Well, that and I look at the mouth-breathers that do most of the world's blogging and can't help but feel that with a little dedication I could firmly plant myself in the middle of the pack. I have goals in mind, and that is certainly one of them. But most of all, I'm glad to be back to blogging, and look forward to being inundated with anonymous commenters that tell me I have "A great site!" and then proceeding to link me to some penis enlargement website. That's great for the self-esteem.