The New NDP Slogan - Where Have I Heard This Before?

So I just got an e-mail from the NDP. Having been rebuffed in their advances in a total "I'm not nearly drunk enough to go for that moustache" way by an oh so coy Conservative Party, the NDP seems primed for an election campaign. They don't trust Michael Ignatieff, and want you to help them bring about Change in Canada. But not just any change will do. What would they go with? Positive Change? Real Change? Loose Change?



Right. That sounds like some great change. And really that's the kind of change I want. If I'm looking to change things up, I don't want it to be something ridiculous. Don't tell me you're going to make renewable fuel out of John Baird's toxic fumes, invent a translator so dogs can talk or make Edwin Encarnacion into a serviceable third baseman; give me something actually possible.

But it's strange, I'm getting a feeling of deja vu. Maybe I'm just going crazy, but I think I've heard this one before. But I'm sure I'm just confusing it with something else. After all, what party would base their platform around trying to shamelessly cash in on someone else's electoral success?



I swear to God, if Jack Layton didn't have handlers he'd already be out on the trail in blackface.

Tories Don't Want Election, Don't Want To Prevent One Either

Just think, for a minute it seemed like the Election Fever Epidemic was going to pass us over. The NDP made it clear that they were willing to prop up the government so long as they agreed to take decisive action on pensions and take steps to slash bank and credit card fees. You know, the kind of protections governments should be undertaking during a recession. And obviously the Tories, having been in a minority government for almost 4 years, are now experienced in brokerage and deal making with opposition parties and willing to make concessions to avoid what Transport Minister John Baird describes as an "unuseful election".

Except apparently they aren't. Minister for Citizenship, Immigration and Multiculturalism and pug-shaped man Jason Kenney indicated his party's unwillingness to make concessions to the NDP in order to prop up his government:

“Look. We've always tried to demonstrate willingness to co-operate with the opposition parties. We did in the last budget. But we're not for sale to the highest bidder, least of all the NDP.”

Translation: "Look. We've always tried to demonstrate a willingness to intimidate and coerce the opposition parties into abstaining from crucial votes or simply bending over backwards to support us, which was demonstrated by the fact that a coalition had to threaten to take the government away from us if we didn't change the last budget. But since that won't work this time, we're not going to start doing earnest negotiations with the opposition, even if it means fighting an election we want you to believe we really don't want to fight."

So there you have it, the pug has spoken. Just remember when the Tories start bemoaning the Liberals insistence on forcing you back to the polls that they had a chance to stop this. Like I said yesterday, fuck 'em.

Do you think Obama would be interested in governing another 30 million or so?

Man Your War Rooms!

So first, the story. Then the rebuttal.

Do you have it? Election fever? We seem to be getting it a lot these days. In fact, we seem to be getting annual cases of election fever with such regularity that they ought to be researching a vaccine. So Canadians could be headed to the polls as soon as this fall. It would be the 4th election since June of 2004.

Transportation Minister John Baird (who, holding the oh-so-important role of making sure everyone gets their license plate stickers replaced, is totally qualified to speak for the government) is nonplussed.

"Michael Ignatieff has indicated that he wants to plunge Canadians into the fourth election in five years... believes we should head to an unuseful, early election."

Right. Because it's not like the Tories would ever call a premature election. Except for when they pulled the plug on the 39th parliament after only 29 months and scheduled an election to happen conveniently before the recession would become a major issue. Right after they passed a law saying that it would be illegal for the government to do that. It also came conveniently at a time the Liberals were heavy in debt from their last leadership race and unable to match the media blitz. And I guess there was the 38th parliament, which they defeated via non-confidence motion after only 13 months, after having tried and failed to defeat the government 6 months prior on a budget vote (which, if you're keeping count at home, would mean they wished to force Canadians into an election 7 months into the session, which would be about 4 months quicker than the Liberals are now attempting). Never mind the fact that the last two elections were either called by a Conservative Prime Minister or triggered by predominantly Conservative votes, because this is a game of partisanship only the Liberals play.

There are plenty of issues on the table right now that are worthy of our attention via an electoral campaign. The recession, and the stimulus required to jump start the Canadian economy. The future of our Afghan mission, which both major leaders support but have vast differences of opinion about how to make it a success. The environment, which has been ignored on the election trail for years, and was only discussed last time in order to tar Stephane Dion to the lunatic fringe. And of course, how giving the Toronto Blue Jays an extra $100 million in taxpayers money every year could give Canadians something to be truly proud of in these trying times. One of those is a joke. Seriously, nobody gives a fuck about the environment.

Don't get me wrong, I know that the political opportunism is at play on both sides here. The things that are issues right now were issues in the summer, and in the spring. Hell, the discussion of stimulus spending is so imperative that it really should have been had 9 months ago. But the reason we might be going to the polls has little to do with the issues and more to do with the reason for the last 3 election calls: because the party making the call thinks they can win. The Liberals find themselves in a pretty sweet position right now. They've got a fresh leader, an economy in needing of leadership and, most important of all, a shit-ton of money. For the first time in a while the Liberals were able to out-fundraise the Conservative over the second quarter of this year, and are much better prepared for an election now than they were a year ago. You want to tar our guy as a "just visiting" cosmopolitan? Fine. We'll tar your guy as a lunatic right wing remnant of the Bush era. Who cares about the issues, this is politics.

And here comes the fury. We've got three major, decisive issues facing our country and have avoided talking seriously about them thus far. We've had a major political shift in our neighbours to the south, and haven't had the chance to re-assess our relationship with them yet. And we have new possibilities with the economy having bottomed out for Canada to emerge from this crisis a global leader. And will we talk about that? Of course not. We'll spend the first few weeks passing blame about why we're having this election, and then the rest arguing about tiny inconsequential wedge issues that skew well for the party bringing them up. Because that is what our political system has become over the past 16 years or so. Makes sense, because our leaders are definitely acting like teenagers.

Fuck 'em.

An Open Letter to Greg Gutfeld of FOX News' "Red Eye"

Greg,

I must apologize for my initial reaction to your comments on Red Eye last week re: the Canadian Military. From your joking that our men and women wanted the year off to "take a breather to do some yoga, paint landscapes, run on the beach in gorgeous white capri pants", and suggesting that perhaps it is "time to invade this ridiculous country, they have no army", I quite obviously came to the mistaken conclusion that you lacked the respect for our country and our soldiers. My mistake, but I think you can understand. After all you said it yourself, I come from a ridiculous country. And your words were very layered and complex, so you have to understand my inability to discern the subtle hidden meanings contained within.

I should also apologize for misunderstanding the nature of your show. Simple and ridiculous as I am, I assumed that we should attach some layer of responsibility to words uttered on a cable news program, but you are patently a satirical program of the highest regard. But I still don't quite understand what the root of the satire here is, so maybe you can clear that up for me. Is it the nature of your network's news programming what you're poking fun at, or is it the Canadian military complex? I tend to think it can't be the latter since mocking the Canadian army and its soldiers would be quite clearly what we misinterpreted you as doing in the first place, but is it the former? Are you a sly devil, silently exposing the ignorant and uninformed nature of FOX News' programming? If so, I credit your for your courage. You're like a modern day Woodward and Burnstein (or is it Woodward and Lothrop? I'm sorry, we ridiculous Canadians are easily confused).

I must say though, the straightforward manner with which you have approached this apology has won me over as a supporter. It takes a lot of courage to bravely take responsibility for the misunderstandings of others, but I can read between the lines. The real victim is yourself, Mr. Gutfeld, who was the victim of such a horrible misunderstanding. And say no more, my friend, allow me to apologize on behalf of 30 million Canadians. We are irrational, ridiculous and sometimes we act before we think, but I know you'll find it in your heart to forgive us. You proved you were the bigger man today, I'm sure you'll continue to do so. I know I'll be there at 3am.

Regards,

Matthew Moore

P.S. You know, I hate to be dishonest. I won't be there at 3am. In fact, I don't see my television finding its way to FOX News at any point. And while we're at it, I didn't misinterpret you. You obnoxiously dismissed the contributions of the Canadian military on March 17th and there is no other reasonable interpretation of your words. Keeping this honesty train rolling, your program is either not a work of satire or a poorly constructed satire that did in fact poke fun at the Canadian military at the time where there is more traffic on the Highway of Heroes (google it) than ever. So I must admit, I wasn't particularly genuine at all in that e-mail. But isn't it kind of pathetic that I was still more genuine than you were in your own so-called "apology"?

Harperbot Steals Another Page

So the Tory economic platform is out (because really, what you want to do when less than a week away from an election is roll your entire platform out gradually), and it seems to bring to mind another Canadian Prime Minister. How'd that work out for him again?

Gotta love the Harperbot. Whenever we're worried we might be stuck with him in a majority role for 5 years, he goes and screws up.

Who says this is an election about nothing?

Definitely not me. But if one were to gauge their opinion on CTV's particular coverage, today's front page headline might give them pause.



DAMN! I always knew that the Harperbot's voter army consisted mainly of WASPs, but I had no idea he could mobilize them so effectively! Harikari!

The Nerdy Glasses Are Off!

It's about time. Maybe they decided to borrow some of Hilary Clinton's balls.

Dogs and Polls, You Know the Drill

The latest polls from Harris/Decima and Angus Reid:
H/D - CPC - 41, Lib - 26, NDP - 14
AR - CPC -38, Lib -24, NDP - 21

So two polls, one with a margin of error of 2.6%, another with a margin of error of 3.1%. So why is the difference in NDP support 7%? That's why there's only one poll that counts, and despite the media spin on how Harperbot is "within majority territory", there's still a lot of election to come. And if the Conservative Party's latest gaffes are any indication, this is anything but over.

A Whole New Level Of Strategic Voting

Facebook group provides vote swap in federal election

In summary, a Facebook group has popped up that allows voters to strategically swap votes with the aim of allowing people to have their conscience vote counted without effectively electing Conservatives. It's an interesting way of skirting around our broken "first past the post" system, and anything that keeps the Harperbot out of majority territory is fine with me. So who's gonna throw down an NDP vote to get me to support Michael Ignatieff?